The Very Start

by Emilie Zoé

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1.
04:10
IT’S SIX O’CLOCK AND THE SOUND I STILL HEAR IS MAKING THE PRESENT TALK I PUT ON A SHIRT AND IT SMELLS LIKE FEAR LIKE DAYS TURNING INTO SCARS DIVE INTO THE STARS AND THE WAY THEY SPIN LIKE BULLETS PASSING ME BY I MANAGE TO DODGE THEM BUT STILL THEY SLIP REMINDING THAT NOW IS THE PAST COME CLOSER AND TOUCH THE WRINKLES COVERING ME HOW CAN I GET OLDER WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN YOUR MID-TWENTIES COME CLOSER AND TOUCH THE WRINKLES COVERING ME HOW CAN I GET OLDER WHEN YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES ME ONLY ONE THAT SEES IT’S SIX O’CLOCK AND IT’S TOO LATE I THINK I’M PUTTING THE CANDLE OUT IT’S FUNNY TO SEE HOW IT’S COMFORTING TO GROPE ALONG IN THE DARK IT’S SIX O’CLOCK AND IT’S THE END I THINK OF WHEN WAS THE VERY START AND SOON I’LL DISSOLVE INTO EVERYTHING BUT COSMOS DON’T TEAR US APART
2.
COLD ICED NIGHT FLOWS IN YOUR VEINS YOU GRAB THE WORLD WITH YOUR HANDS BUT IT SLIPS THROUGH YOUR FINGERS VANISHES IN THE GUTTER HERE IS YOUR BURDEN OF VOID TAKE IT WITH YOU ON THE BOAT AND IF THE RUDDER’S STRANDED JUST ASK THE GHOST HE’LL SAIL IT YOUR HEART LEANS OUT OF YOUR CHEST IT’S LIKE A FISH IN A NET TAKING A BREATH THROUGH THE HOLES THAT EXPANDED IN YOUR SOUL SO WHEN I FEEL YOU COMING CLOSE I WILL TURN ON THE STEREO AND PLAY THE SADDEST SONG I’LL FIND UNTIL THE NEIGHBORS POUND THE DOOR
3.
03:58
I DREAM OF A COMFORT LINE OF A CURLY HAIR THAT LEADS TO SOME WEIRD LAND WHERE WEAK CAN BE STRONG AND HOPEFUL WHO WILL FOLLOW ME THERE I WONDER AND I STILL GOT MY BAGS WITH ME JUST TO CARRY THINGS AND TO LAUGH AT HOW HEAVILY I TRY TO BE STRONG BUT I CAN’T READ THE LINES IN MY HAND I THINK I’M WORKING FOR THE BIGGEST CAUSE WILL YOU BE THERE WHEN I LOSE ALL HOPE WITH YOUR TIGER SOUL YOUR TIGER SOUL
4.
04:36
I’LL BE THE BLACKBERRIES IN YOUR GARDEN AND I’LL BE THE HOWL ON YOUR SHOULDER I’LL BE THE WIND BLOWING WHEN IT’S AUTUMN AND I’LL BE THE LIGHT AND THE THUNDER I’M PART OF THE SILENCE ON THIS LAND I’LL BE THE MELODIES YOU FORGOT AND I LEFT SOME SHIRTS IN YOUR DRAWER I’LL MAKE THE CONCRETE WALLS FEEL LIKE COTTON AND I’LL DRAW A CROWN FOR YOUR DAUGHTER I’M PART OF THE SILENCE ON THIS LAND
5.
04:06
WALK AND KEEP THE COLOURS IN MOUTH LET THE DEMONS LEAD AND KEEP YOUR BELOVED IN SIGHT UNTIL THEY DISAPPEAR IS THAT HOW YOU WILL STAY SHARP BEING ON THE RUN IS THAT HOW YOU WILL STAND OUT FLEEING ON YOUR OWN NIGHT WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE OUT OTHERS WHEN YOU DEVOUR SKINS HOW MANY LAST SUMMER YOU DON’T RECALL A THING IS THAT HOW YOU WILL STAY SHARP BEING ON THE RUN IS THAT HOW YOU WILL STAND OUT FLEEING ON YOUR OWN
6.
A BRIGHT LIGHT SPREADING WHITE ON AN ENDLESS LAND ON ME CURLED UP THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE AND I FEEL INSIDE I’M SQUEEZED TO LAST NOW I SEE YOU FAR WE WALK BUT WE DON’T GET CLOSER IF AT LEAST THERE HAD BEEN A DUNE OR A WALL IN THIS QUICKSAND WE’RE NOT UP TO LIVE WE KEEP ON STANDING BUT WE KNOW NOTHING STANDS BUT IN THE END WHO CARES IF WE LIVE OR DECAY DON’T THINK OF THAT AND JUST DRINK WE’RE DRY AND I’M WEAK I CRY WILL I SEE YOU DIE WE DON’T BREATHE THERE’S NO MISTAKE
7.
DID I FEED THE CAT TODAY IS MY SON ON HOLIDAY THE MORE I THINK THE LESS I SAY I TRY TO STAND BUT STILL I LAY IN MY BACKYARD I WILL STARE AT ALL THE LIFE COMING MY WAY WHY SHOULD I LEAVE I DISOBEY UNDER THE PINE I WANT TO STAY AND FROM MY GRAVE FOR YOU I’LL PRAY YOU’LL SEE ALL DEAD BIRDS FLY AWAY I GAVE YOU MY FACE MINE’S TURNING GREY STILL I CAN HEAR YOU PLAY HEAR YOU PLAY
8.
WHAT IF I WERE AWAKE FLYING TEN FEET ABOVE YOU LIKE AN OLD ILL-BEHAVED NOSEY FREAK STILL LOVING YOU WOULD YOU TELL ME A FEW HOME TRUTHS AND DO YOU CHOKE BACK TEARS WHEN YOU STRIDE ACROSS THE WOODS AND WHEN A BARREN LAND IS UNBEARABLE TO YOU BECAUSE I USED TO HIDE THERE TOO IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT YOU MIGHT WAKE UP TO FIND THAT THE MAN WHO LIES IN YOUR ARMS HAS MY BODY MY EYES
9.
WOULD YOU STILL BE HERE IF I CHANGED THAT NIGHT IF I COULD ONLY SEE IT IN BLACK AND WHITE THEY’RE ALL HEADING TO PARTIES THEY’RE ALL DRESSED IN WHITE BUT THE RED ON LIPS IS GETTING DARK I SEE THE HOURS PASSING AND NOW THE BABIES WALK WHY DO WE ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT THE PAST I’VE LIVED A HUNDRED YEARS WELL TWENTY-FIVE IN FACT CARRYING THE ABSENTS ON MY BACK I DREW A LINE THAT’S HEADING TO WHERE WE DON’T COME BACK THEY CALL IT TIME I CALL IT A QUESTION MARK
10.
07:02
I NEVER GREW UP AND YOU’VE JUST NOTICED IT I WON’T STAY TONIGHT NOR THE OTHER NIGHTS DEAR I NEVER GREW UP AND MY HEAD IS CRUSHING FRAGMENTS OF HEART IT’S A BLOODY MESS HERE I DO APPRECIATE YOUR DEVOTION YOUR SKILLS BUT I’M A SAILOR AND YOUR LAND MAKES MY DREAMS DIE AWAY I NEVER GREW UP BUT WENT TO THE HARBOR I SAW MANY BOATS AND MY SECRETS FLOATING THERE’RE WAVES UNDERNEATH BUT THE SURFACE STAYS STILL MY BOAT WAS SAILING IN SHALLOW SEA THAT’S WHEN I RAN AGROUND AND STUCK IN THE SAND I DROWNED IN THE OPEN SEA THE TIDE WILL SURELY WASH ME UP SOMEDAY THE SEASONS CHANGE AND BODIES AGE AND FISHES DIE I’M FLOATING ON A ROWING BOAT I SAIL AWAY I CAN’T STAY BECAUSE I AGE MY FEET HURT SHOULD I SAIL AWAY

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THE VERY START is a touching brew of intimate melodies and narrative lyrics, carefully infused in a moving sonic space that enlights even the smallest accidents that happened in the room these songs were (re)born in.

credits

released November 9, 2018

> recorded by Ben Tixhon, Christian Garcia-Gaucher, Emilie Zoé
> mixed by Christian Garcia-Gaucher, Emilie Zoé
> mastered by Morgan Hug
> Artwork by Anaïs Blanchard

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Emilie Zoé Lausanne, Switzerland

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